This week on the podcast, Patrick and Tracy welcome J.P. Lacrampe, author of Valet.

About Valet: Cy wants nothing more than to be useful, raise his utility score, and receive the next update for his operating system. But that’s easier said than done when he’s tasked with helping his owner’s thirty-five-year-old son “get out of his funk.” Grayson is nothing like his go-getter, CEO sister Charlotte. He didn’t inherit the family robotics company when their dad passed last year, he doesn’t have a master’s degree, and he just can’t seem to figure out the San Francisco dating scene. He’d rather eat synthesized mozzarella sticks and make pottery at his studio, Kilning Time.

When Grayson learns of Charlotte’s plan to sell the company to a tech conglomerate, he panics. It’s not just the family business at stake, it’s all the technology—like Cy—their dad invented over the years. So he does what anyone would do: he steals the flash drive with his father’s most important work stored on it and plans a corporate takeover. If only he knew what that meant.

To make matters worse, a fellow VALET deserts his owner and asks Cy to help him hightail it out of town, Grayson’s first real date—and her dog—keeping showing up at inopportune times, and the behemoth tech company wants this deal closed yesterday. Grayson, Cy, and their trusty golden retriever, Sasha III, must go on the lam until they figure out exactly what to do, and whom to trust.

About J.P. Lacrampe: J.P. Lacrampe received his MFA in creative writing from Saint Mary’s College. His short fiction has been published by Glimmer Train, McSweeney’s, Instant City, and in Howl: A Collection of the Best Contemporary Dog Wit. He is a professor at Santa Clara University & SJSU, where he teaches courses in composition, fiction, and screenwriting.

This week’s picks:

• J.P. #1: Disney’s Aladdin (1992)
• J.P. #2: Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
• J.P. #2: Deer seen swimming in San Francisco Bay far from shore
• Tracy: Corn on the cob
  
• Patrick #1: Witch Hat Atelier (Crunchyroll)
• Patrick #2: The Home Depot Hot Dog Cart

Links:

• J.P. Lacrampe on Instagram
• Tracy Townsend on BluSky
• Patrick Hester on Instagram
• The Functional Nerds Patreon Page

© 2026 Patrick Hester

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